Humankind was designed to be socially interwoven. We depend on one another from birth. Babies need parents and adult protection for the first years of their lives. We see masses of people coming together to form mega cities and people seem to be magnets for others.

Loneliness is one of the greatest problems people face. In our lifetime, we have learned to cherish friendship. We may say we do not need it and we may withdraw within ourselves, but those are only ploys used by those who wish they really did have a good friend or two.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes. Some are only short term and shallow friends. Some are people we enjoy sports or share other similar interests. We have business friends, social friends, good friends, best friends, etc. Very few friends stay friends for life. We all change and often those changes move us apart from people we once considered friends. The very best friendships end at death (though they linger in memory).

Someone once wrote: "Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of comfort blow the rest away." One place that such a friendship may be found is in a happy marriage. Outside of marriage, such friendship is hard to come by.

The philosopher Henry Adams wrote: "One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible". Francis Bacon characterized a friend as one "to whom you may impart griefs, joys, fears, hopes, suspicions, counsels and whatsoever lieth upon the heart to oppress it." Clearly, this level of friendship is extremely rare and to be cherished if one has such a friendship. Most of us must be content with some varying degree of such a relationship. In the workplace we will have a variety of friendships - all depend on the degree to which we understand what a friend is and how important that is to living and working.

Friendship is not a static position. It is constantly affected by changes in each person who is involved. To maintain a good friendship, then, effort and ongoing work is required. It cannot just be taken for granted. Proverbs 16:28 informs us that "a whisperer separates the best of friends". It is with regret that we acknowledge the ease with which we are swayed in our thinking by comments from others about others. We hesitate to go and check the comment out with the person involved and our thoughts do change the relationship.

In order to have friends, a person "must himself be friendly". That is, we need to do the things that a friend would do to build a relationship. There are some characteristics to friendship that we can recognize. The depth of the friendship has much to do with the degree to which these characteristics are met.

A friend must be loyal. A friend cares at all times. It is easy to be friends when all is well, but when troubles come, friendships are tested. It is in difficult time that a friendship becomes the greatest treasure. A friend must be one who continues to work on the friendship. Maintenance is needed. F. W. Robertson wrote: "The one who will be found capable of great acts of love is ever the one who is doing considerate small ones." That is to say whoever is faithful in little, will also be faithful in much. A friend will guard your secrets. He or she will accept you "warts and all." A friend will practice consideration. It is the essence of friendship to refrain from saying things that may wound our friends' feelings - and yet, the "wounds" of a friend are true and valuable as they really are meant to help. A friend is one who gives warning, but refrains from outright criticism. Another qualification for friendship is to be "a good forgiver." One must not be overly sensitive to things said or done. People seek out their friends when they are blue or need a shoulder to cry on - think of the ramifications of "to cry on." Friends are equals who treat one another as equals. A friend must know when to go home.

Friends should be treated as precious gifts - for that is what they are. Emerson wrote: " We take care of our health, we make our roof tight and our clothing sufficient, but who provides wisely that we should not be wanting in the best property of all? - friends?" The Earl of Clarendon noted some qualifications. Here is what he said: "The skill and observation of the best physician, the diligence and vigilance of the best nurse, the tenderness and patience of the best mother."

There are sacrifices that need to be made in attempting to raise our friendships to their highest potential - but the fortunate part of it is that friendship is one of the few human pursuits that makes sacrifice a pleasure. It is also one way in which ordinary men and women can reach for spiritual nobility. This is because "an effort made for the happiness of others lifts us above ourselves," as Lydia Child said.

The qualities of character needed for true friendship are simply the best qualities a human can possess. They are: unselfishness, tolerance, forbearance, trustworthiness, faithfulness, honesty, loyalty and wisdom. Someone once wrote: "if we fragile mortals feel unequal to the effort of applying all these qualities all the time, we might try a little harder if we remember that we are doing it out of a kind of love which yields love in repayment. And to love and be loved is worth all the effort we can possibly make.

The good book says: "If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar." Work on your friendships and let them develop naturally. You will feel closer to some people than to others, but that is only natural. The effort we put into friendships - be they close or just casual - goes far towards making us better people. We can develop the qualities of character needed - it is a matter of understanding what they are, knowing the value of them and determining to forge ahead with a strong will and effort. You can be a friend and then you will have a friend. - Robert Berendt

Robert Berendt is a pastor in Canada with the United Church of God and International Association. For additional information, visit their Web site at: http://www.ucg.org.